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TERENCE THE ICE-SKATING TURTLE

When Terence the Turtle chose his career

He’d no one to help him from far or from near

No one to tell him he’d just look a fool

None to persuade him to stay on at school

Terence was fired by one burning ambition

To become an ice skater – his only mission.

When Terence was laughed at and told he was silly

He retired to the garden to talk with the Lily

Lily was clever, and dainty and sweet

She said no matter he didn’t have feet

Of the kind that were shaped to wear a skate

I believe, she said, you’re meant to beat Fate.

Believe in your dream, she said with a wink

You have to dream big –  and don’t let it shrink

Imagine your feet as if they were tiny

Feet that can sparkle in boots that are shiny

Feet that can twinkle and leap and go spinning

Feet that are grinning at prizes they’re winning.

Terence suddenly felt that his dream could come true

And decided to buy the boots that are blue

Blue boots are best when they’re put to the test

With a swanky new hand-knitted ice-skater vest

He chose red for his vest and puffed out his chest

How good he was feeling – blessed with such zest.

One day as he practised his leaps on the ice

Some kids who were passing said he looked nice

Terence was thrilled (to the boots) I guess

They suggested he add to his suit a headdress

Something stunning and utterly funky

We know, the kids said – you need a monkey.

The kids asked Terence to be their friend

And made a big placard, carefully penned

Come see Terence the Turtle, the Master of Skates,

Payment is either in cents or in dates

Terence does figures, he leaps and he spins

Terence the Turtle is great on his pins.

Meanwhile the Monkey who’d answered their ad

Turned out to be cousin to Lily’s dad

Lily was thrilled to find her relation

Even more thrilled with T’s creation

An ice-skating turtle, what a great laugh

Next you’ll be wanting promotional staff.

Not a bad idea said Chunky the Monkey

That old sign is now looking clunky

Now that we’re sorted and out on the road

I’ll be needing some help – could we look for a toad?

I’ve been recently told that toads abound

So we’ll probably find some here on the ground.

Look at that Turtle, he’s really a joke

‘Twas a cheeky young bullfrog beginning to croak

Stop there: Chunky yelled, and bellowed and shouted

Barry the Bullfrog – you’ve just now been outed

For Barry it was who had first told Terence

That he was descended from Ice-skating parents.

Terence was thrilled and started to spin

He did a quick tapdance – that made them grin.

The kids went with Chunky and Lily and Barry

Terence found love and decided to marry

They were happy forever and all shared a house

They believed in each other and life was just grouse.

LYING IN THE SUN

It was in my fifth year of being on earth

That eating three horses expanded my girth.

Not eating those horses just any old way

I ate three of those horses every day.

They weren’t real horses – I’m not that mad

They were marzipan horses, it was just a fad.

They were made in a hurry with carrots from Perth

And served on a dish with laughter and mirth. 

I lived in a Palace (that’s why I’m called Alice)

Friends never thought about me with malice.

I had hundreds of dresses and bags full of hats 

I wrapped them in cheese, they were eaten by rats.

My clothes were all frilly, which really was silly

The skirts were too big for riding my filly

I found some pants that made me look thin

But I bought the wrong ones, not for her, but for him.

My most special friend was a kangaroo

Who flapped like mad whenever she flew.

I’d wind her up, put plug to socket

And then she’d jump right up like a rocket.

But I don’t want to bore – you’d like to hear more?

I’m far too modest to hog the floor.

But if listen you must, and in truth you trust

You’ll forgive me if I that truth adjust?

It’s a question of season, no rhyme, no reason

Makes no difference, if sunny or freezin’

I like to have fun when I lie in the sun

Eating fresh honey spread onto a bun.

Do I tell the truth or do I lie in the sun?

It seems that truth can be either one

‘Cos lie is a multi meaning word

It can tell you the truth or just be absurd. 

Jan Darling

ONE HUMP OR TWO?

There are things not to ask when you go to the Zoo

Like how many animals, hundreds or few?

Like do you have tigers and lions that eat people?

And do your giraffes have to live in a steeple?

Do people-like monkeys swing through the trees

Do they all live in cages or out in the breeze.?

When you go to the Zoo they give you a guide

That tells how to find the ones that will hide

The cleverest creatures will give you the slip

Or if you’re too close they may give you a nip.

You have to walk slowly and take your time

Banging their cages is really a crime.

There are wild things all sizes and colours and hues

Creatures who only can live in our Zoos.

They’re from hot and cold climates all over the world

They have tails that are crooked, fluffy or curled.

My favourites of all are g’rillas and camels

‘Cos both of them are really big mammals.

Of everything mammal I’m most fond of the camel

They don’t seem to find that the hump is a trammel

Some camels have one hump and others have two

You’ll often find both of them guests in your Zoo.

Because they’re so tall they see over the wall

And into their neighbour’s adjacent stall.

But let’s talk of the camel whose top parts are hairy

The single-hump two-toed hoofed dromedary.

He has long legs and fat lips and looks very snouty

More snooty and haughty than modest and pouty

His hump is really a storeroom for fat

Which he turns into water – now how about that?

He’s adapted for desert and struts overland

That’s why he’s called a ship of the sand

Two rows of long lashes flutter over his eyes

And a third clear eyelid protects them from flies

There’s a real clever trick for when sand is blowing

He can close his nostrils to keep himself going.

He’s been used as a taxi, a car and a train

As a beast of burden, in sandstorm or rain ,

He donates to nature – this noble beast

Skin and wool to wear, milk and meat to feast.

He’s the Arabian camel, that handsome beast

Native North African, and Middle of East.

Now listen to this – I don’t want to faze ya

The Bactrian camels from central Asia –

They have two bumps – they’ve a double hump

But these camels have never been known to grump.

They’re sociable, useful, tidy, and witty

But occasionally also known to be spitty.

When two camels meet, in desert or street

They hasten to make their formal ‘greet’

With an eye on each other the greeting may go

Slow, while in their faces they blow.

After all this brotherly sharing of breath

They decide to be friends from now unto death.

Now hear a few facts ‘bout our humpy new friends

Pregnancy lasts fourteen months before’t ends

Mother births one, but occasionally twins,

And calves can be walking within thirty mins!

At two weeks of age, or during the third

Mother and baby return to the herd.

At seven our camels are ready to mate

They’re all grown up and at the right weight

They’ll size up their chance at the local dance

And off with their partners, a new life they’ll chance.

Sadly for us at ten years and seven

They’re usually called from duty to heaven.

Jan Darling