How to get rid of peas

Slip a couple up your sleeve,

that way you can’t go wrong

but first take care the sleeves you wear

are pretty tight and long.

Then accidentally bump your plate –

that should get rid of more.

Your Mum would never make you eat

the peas that hit the floor.

Another thing that’s hard to do

but really worth the wait

is slip some peas when no one sees

onto your sister’s plate.

And then (don’t say I told you)

if you’re desperate I suppose

you could shove some up your nostrils

and then quickly blow your nose.

By now you should have lost the lot.

If not, may I suggest

you think of other ways yourself

to deal with all the rest.

Jenny Erlanger

First published in “Giggles and Niggles” (Haddington Press, 2007)

• Submitted in response to Poetry Prompt #45