Prima Donna Chooses a Pet
by Kate O’Neil
Someone said Celebrity News
wants to know what pet I’ll choose.
And since my choice will start a trend
around the world, my choice of friend
will take some very careful thought.
“A pet’s for life” is what we’re taught.
I’ve never liked domestic cats.
They have a guilty look – and that’s
because they slink too much. They move
too shiftily. Which goes to prove
they’re up to something. On the prowl.
And then at night… You’ve heard them howl!
They even make a yowling noise
when they want food or milk or toys.
And after these appalling rages
they eat, then slump, and sleep for ages.
Where’s the fun in that? I ask.
So now I’ve set myself the task
of looking for a better pet.
And, first things first, I’d like to get
a handsome one with stylish air
(to complement my fashion flair).
And then of course I think it should
be most adoring, loyal and good.
I’d like it to have attitude
but not too much – which would exclude
that other pest, the talking bird.
You won’t believe the things I’ve heard
some parrots say. They’ve got a cheek.
I tell them straight, “Go wash your beak
out. Use the soap, and don’t you ever
say such words again. No never.”
I simply wouldn’t take that risk.
I do like baby things that frisk,
like puppies, lambs and foals and such,
But when they’re older, not so much-
not when they lose that joyful spring.
And yes –there is another thing –
I like a pet that’s always clean,
So… maybe goldfish? I have seen
some gorgeous frilly ones. But no,
I’d like a pet who’ll join my show
and share the limelight. If it’s mine
it must be dazzling. It should shine
and be a star as bright as me.
Do you know what my pet should be?
Pardon? What would you suggest?
Do tell me what you think is best.
You think the wisest choice for me
is a large pet rock! Well, mission done
IF I can choose a diamond one.
How right you are. And for my part
I’ll love that rock with all my heart.
I’ll take it everywhere with me
and show it off for all to see.
How good of you to recommend
the perfect pet, a girl’s best friend.