The Halloween Party
The children are having a party
It’s a Halloween Party tonight
There are ghosts and ghouls
And mysterious pools
Of something that’s red and bright
At the Halloween Party tonight.
There are screaming dollies and poisonous lollies
And someone will cook up a brew
Of raspberry punch, but I have a hunch
It may contain cockroaches too.
There’ll be silverfish in the Turkish delight
At the Halloween Party tonight.
There’s fairy bread and they’ll chop off your head
If you don’t eat a slice or two
The sprinkles they’ve used are poison-infused
A horrid concoction, it’s true
But the children will eat them and squeal with delight
At the Halloween Party tonight.
The bottles of jam should be left quite alone
They don’t contain fruit, but there’s blood and there’s bone
And if you should dare to sample the stuff
You’ll find that a spoonful is more than enough
You won’t last long, you’ll be out like a light
At the Halloween Party tonight.
The two guillotines are a lovely idea
They bought them on sale at the local Ikea
They can’t wait to use them, and so I suggest
You wear a thick collar, a metal one’s best.
Or else you may get a reduction in height
At the Halloween Party tonight.
The children are having a party
A Halloween party tonight
It’s terribly wicked, but great fun for all
See spectres and phantoms walk right through the wall
And someone is bound to set nighties alight
At the Halloween Party tonight.
Bring your own chainsaw, but dress isn’t formal,
It’s best to wear something entirely abnormal
A cape made of bats will be just the right thing!
And, for heaven’s sake, do remember to bring
A playmate with whom you can fight
At the Halloween party tonight.
There are colourful balls from an army stall
But resist the temptation to touch them at all.
They’re hand grenades, I’m rather afraid,
So touch them and quite a loud bang will be made
But not quite as loud as the dynamite
At the Halloween Party tonight.
There’ll be games to play, but let me just say –
Be careful of musical chairs.
If you’re standing up when the music stops
They’ll chain you and kick you downstairs.
And those chains will be locked as tight as tight
At the Halloween Party tonight.
The children have sent out their invitations
To vampires and zombies and ghouls of all nations
It’s a multicultural beastly bash
For monsters that howl and claw and bash
There’ll be creatures you wouldn’t dare to invite
At the Halloween Party tonight.
The children are having a party
A Halloween party tonight
The games they’ve invented are frankly demented
You’ll be thrown in the lake with both feet cemented
The candles they burn will be arsenic-scented
Breaking Dawn fans will be deeply resented.
A genuine iron maiden they’ve rented
And once you’re locked in, I’m afraid you’re prevented
From evermore seeing the light
At the Halloween Party tonight.
Doug MacLeod
A frightfully good poem, Doug! And brilliantly timed.
What an appropriate, clever, scary poem.