Poor Cook is in a tizzy. What on earth is she to do?
So many guests to cook for, all lords and ladies too.
Dear Cook, prepare the finest food, the finest you are able.
And don’t forget your special pie to decorate our table.

Frog pie? Frog pie. What a funny sight.
Trim the top and out they hop to give the guests a fright.
The ladies shriek, the gents guffaw.
A trick, a joke, a jest.
Oh please, please do invite us back.
Your banquets are the best.

Poor Cook is in a tizzy. What on earth is she to do?
So many guests to cook for, all lords and ladies too.
Dear Cook, prepare the finest food, the finest you are able.
And don’t forget your special pie to decorate our table.

Turtles? Turtles in the pie, swimming in the dish.
They splash about then clamber out to go in search of fish.
The ladies shriek, the gents guffaw.
A trick, a joke, a jest.
Oh please, please do invite us back.
Your banquets are the best.

Poor Cook is in a tizzy. What on earth is she to do?
So many guests to cook for, all lords and ladies too.
Dear Cook, prepare the finest food, the finest you are able.
And don’t forget your special pie to decorate our table.

Blackbirds? Blackbirds in the pie escaping everywhere.
Four and twenty, maybe more, fluttering in the air.
The ladies shriek, the gents guffaw.
A trick, a joke, a jest.
Oh please, please do invite us back.
Your banquets are the best.

Poor Cook is in a tizzy. What on earth is she to do?
So many guests to cook for, all lords and ladies too.
Dear Cook, prepare the finest food, the finest you are able.
And don’t forget your special pie to decorate our table.
‘That’s it!’ cries Cook, ‘I’ve had enough.
I’m tired of all this jest.
Today I’m baking pumpkin pies
For each and every guest.’

Mmmm Delicious!

Image from Pixabay

Authors note: Long, long ago during the 15 th and 16 th centuries ‘Animated Pies’ were a popular form of
entertainment among the ‘Upper Crust’ i.e. the posh people. The pie shell would be pre-
baked and cooled. Then live animals were placed inside to pop out at the banquet table and
surprise the guests.
(Please note that no animals were harmed during the writing of this poem.)