Poem of the Day


Prima Donna Chooses a Pet

by Kate O’Neil


Someone said Celebrity News

wants to know what pet I’ll choose.

And since my choice will start a trend

around the world, my choice of friend

will take some very careful thought.

“A pet’s for life” is what we’re taught.


I’ve never liked domestic cats.

They have a guilty look – and that’s

because they slink too much. They move

too shiftily. Which goes to prove

they’re up to something. On the prowl.

And then at night… You’ve heard them howl!

They even make a yowling noise

when they want food or milk or toys.

And after these appalling rages

they eat, then slump, and sleep for ages.


Where’s the fun in that? I ask.

So now I’ve set myself the task

of looking for a better pet.

And, first things first, I’d like to get

a handsome one with stylish air

(to complement my fashion flair).


And then of course I think it should

be most adoring, loyal and good.

I’d like it to have attitude

but not too much – which would exclude

that other pest, the talking bird.

You won’t believe the things I’ve heard

some parrots say. They’ve got a cheek.

I tell them straight, “Go wash your beak

out. Use the soap, and don’t you ever

say such words again. No never.”


I simply wouldn’t take that risk.

I do like baby things that frisk,

like puppies, lambs and foals and such,

But when they’re older, not so much-

not when they lose that joyful spring.

And yes –there is another thing –

I like a pet that’s always clean,

So… maybe goldfish? I have seen

some gorgeous frilly ones. But no,

I’d like a pet who’ll join my show

and share the limelight. If it’s mine

it must be dazzling. It should shine

and be a star as bright as me.

Do you know what my pet should be?

Pardon? What would you suggest?

Do tell me what you think is best.


You think the wisest choice for me

is a large pet rock! Well, mission done

IF I can choose a diamond one.

How right you are. And for my part

I’ll love that rock with all my heart.

I’ll take it everywhere with me

and show it off for all to see.

How good of you to recommend

the perfect pet, a girl’s best friend.

Poem of the Day


Mystery Man

by Jane Williams


I met a man I didn’t know

But he knew me from go to woe

Your name I think is Paris Post

He said deadpan as eggs on toast


You enjoy Pine and Mountain Breeze

A little wine and too much cheese

Your tan is Airbrush Number One

The colour of your hair is Plum


Who are you I asked by and by

Soothsayer? Psychic? Private eye?

No said the man, nothing so odd

Though mine is an interesting job


I move at dawn from house to house

Not quite as quiet as a mouse

And at each one I find a clue

To him and her and you and you


Strong and quick and light on my feet

I seize the secrets of the streets

I am without apologist …

Your neighbourhood garbologist!


Poem of the Day


Kevin Smith’s Dragon


You wouldn’t think, to look at him,

that Kevin Smith has a dragon for a pet –

he says he has –

keeps it in the garden shed

and feeds it chillies and onions and very hot curry –

he says he does –

Kevin is teaching the dragon tricks,

it will sit up and beg for Brussels sprouts –

he says it does.

Pets aren’t allowed at school,

but still, he’s going to bring it in one day –

he says he will –

but he’s waiting till it’s really tame,

and he has trained it to stop ripping with its dreadful claws,

and lashing people with its scaly tail,

and burning curtains with its fiery breath –

then he’s going to bring it in –

he says he is.

Anne Bell

First published in Celebrate (Triple D Books)