The Halloween Party

The children are having a party

It’s a Halloween Party tonight

There are ghosts and ghouls

And mysterious pools

Of something that’s red and bright

At the Halloween Party tonight.

There are screaming dollies and poisonous lollies

And someone will cook up a brew

Of raspberry punch, but I have a hunch

It may contain cockroaches too.

There’ll be silverfish in the Turkish delight

At the Halloween Party tonight.

There’s fairy bread and they’ll chop off your head

If you don’t eat a slice or two

The sprinkles they’ve used are poison-infused

A horrid concoction, it’s true

But the children will eat them and squeal with delight

At the Halloween Party tonight.

The bottles of jam should be left quite alone

They don’t contain fruit, but there’s blood and there’s bone

And if you should dare to sample the stuff

You’ll find that a spoonful is more than enough

You won’t last long, you’ll be out like a light

At the Halloween Party tonight.

The two guillotines are a lovely idea

They bought them on sale at the local Ikea

They can’t wait to use them, and so I suggest

You wear a thick collar, a metal one’s best.

Or else you may get a reduction in height

At the Halloween Party tonight.

The children are having a party

A Halloween party tonight

It’s terribly wicked, but great fun for all

See spectres and phantoms walk right through the wall

And someone is bound to set nighties alight

At the Halloween Party tonight.

Bring your own chainsaw, but dress isn’t formal,

It’s best to wear something entirely abnormal

A cape made of bats will be just the right thing!

And, for heaven’s sake, do remember to bring

A playmate with whom you can fight

At the Halloween party tonight.

There are colourful balls from an army stall

But resist the temptation to touch them at all.

They’re hand grenades, I’m rather afraid,

So touch them and quite a loud bang will be made

But not quite as loud as the dynamite

At the Halloween Party tonight.

There’ll be games to play, but let me just say –

Be careful of musical chairs.

If you’re standing up when the music stops

They’ll chain you and kick you downstairs.

And those chains will be locked as tight as tight

At the Halloween Party tonight.

The children have sent out their invitations

To vampires and zombies and ghouls of all nations

It’s a multicultural beastly bash

For monsters that howl and claw and bash

There’ll be creatures you wouldn’t dare to invite

At the Halloween Party tonight.

The children are having a party

A Halloween party tonight

The games they’ve invented are frankly demented

You’ll be thrown in the lake with both feet cemented

The candles they burn will be arsenic-scented

Breaking Dawn fans will be deeply resented.

A genuine iron maiden they’ve rented

And once you’re locked in, I’m afraid you’re prevented

From evermore seeing the light

At the Halloween Party tonight.

Doug MacLeod