Spooks at school

Our school at night is a fearsome sight —

the windows are dark, with not a light.

And if you dared go inside you’d find

ghosts and ghouls of every kind.

Classrooms by day are busy places;

at night they become haunted spaces

where wicked spirits practise dark arts,

and bloodthirsty vampires play darts.

Hear zombies calling assembly rolls,

Checking the names of tormented souls.

Moonlit mayhem and witches galore,

monsters hiding under the floor.

But why put up with trepidation

while you gain an education?

Take some advice: Attend school by day;

the rest of the time — stay away!

About James:

My poetry plans for 2018: write more children’s poems, experiment with new forms and themes, and build up a collection for a book.

Armpit

Armpit, armpit,

Look at you!

You’re so hollow —

What to do!

You like to sweat

And grow hair,

No wonder you’re

Hiding there!

                              James Aitchison

Living spaghetti

Wriggle wriggle, squirm squirm,

Here comes a nice long worm.

Like spaghetti come to life,

What a busy earthworm!

Watch it slide and slither,

Oops, it’s in a dither.

Pick it up now if you dare,

Dangle it in the air.

Wriggle wriggle, squirm squirm,

Thank you, thank you, earthworm!

You let our soil grow good things,

Such a helpful earthworm!

James Aitchison

MEGHAN MARKLE’S MOUSE

My home is my castle — Windsor Castle —

And I live in St George’s Chapel;

Being a mouse I go foraging

for some crumbs and pieces of apple.

My chapel is mostly a peaceful place,

But no!  Not on the nineteenth of May:

won’t have a moment to bless myself

when the world comes to visit that day.

They’re making history on May nineteen,

and there will be no time to tarry —

but I’ll have a front row seat to see

Meghan Markle marry Prince Harry!

I’ll hide underneath Her Majesty’s chair —

that should give me an excellent view —

and I’ll wave my tail and squeak hooray

when Meghan and Harry say I do!

A CLOGYRNACH GOES

TO THE DENTIST

           (A clogyrnach is a six-line Welsh poem.  

           Lines 1 and 2 have eight syllables with an a rhyme;

           lines 3 and 4 have five syllables with a b rhyme;

           line 5 has three syllables with a b rhyme;

           line 6 has three syllables with an a rhyme.)

I went to the dentist last week;

he opened my mouth for a peek.

When he saw inside,    

his eyes goggled wide.

What he spied

made him shriek.

The news he gave me was chilling,

“All of your front teeth need filling;

they’re full of decay,

I’ll fix them today!”

I said, “Yay! —

start drilling!”

He was deftly wielding his drill        

when he sneezed as though he were ill!

He bored through my gum —

drilled into my bum —

“Sorry, chum,

here’s my bill.”

My time in his chair had been brief,

full of torture, terror and grief!

Let my teeth all fall —

no dentist I’d call!

After all —

who needs teeth?

Medals, medals, medals

Medals, medals, medals,

Australia’s won its share.

Medals, medals, medals,

We won them everywhere!

Medals, medals, medals,

Our athletes brought them home.

Medals, medals, medals,

From pool to velodrome.

Medals, medals, medals,

Our athletes did us proud,

Aussie, Aussie, Aussie,

Let’s shout it out so loud.

Medals, medals, medals,

We’ve won a tidy sum!

But if I had my way,

I’d give a Gold to Mum.

Words are weird

My shoe has a tongue

but can’t talk.

All it can do is walk.

My nose has a bridge

you can’t cross.

Which leaves me at a loss.

My eyes have pupils

you can’t teach.

What’s the purpose of each?

My ears have two drums

you can’t play.

What kind of drums are they?

What weird things words are —

they have too

many meanings by far!

Valentine Day was a lonely bloke,
Wherever he went, he was called a joke.
He parted his hair down the middle;
Under his arm he carried a fiddle.
His nose was big, his lips couldn’t smile,
The girls took one look and they ran a mile.
He couldn’t dance, and he couldn’t sing,
In fact, poor chap couldn’t do anything!

’Til the day he met a lonely girl,
On a chain round her neck she wore a pearl.
She parted her hair down the middle;
Under her arm she carried a fiddle.
Her nose was big, her lips couldn’t smile,
The boys took one look and they ran a mile.
She couldn’t dance and she couldn’t sing,
In fact, poor girl couldn’t do anything!

Valentine fell in love when they met;
Likewise Valentina — her heart was set.
Valentine asked, “Will you be my wife?”
“Yes,” she replied, “for the rest of my life!”