X-ray, X-ray, what do you see?

X-ray looking right through me.

Does it mean you see the truth?

More than simply bone and tooth?

X-ray, am I looking fine?

Or am I somewhat in decline?

X-ray, tell me, what’s the news?

Expound to me your point of view.

My body says I’m in good health.

My bank says likewise of my wealth.

X-ray please don’t spoil my day.

Tell me what you see I pray.

I hope you are in gentle mood.

Please reveal something good.

Show to me your photograph,

Allow me now the final laugh.

X-ray, what is this I see?

Can this be the real me?

For lurking deep beneath my skin,

You show, there lies, a skeleton.

The Sloth is Happy

How happy is the sloth:

There is not a soul so idle.

To see him casually hang from branch

You’d think him suicidal.

How peaceful is the sloth,

His manner so content.

One tree remains his lifelong home;

For which he pays no rent.

How joyous is the sloth,

For he doesn’t have a job.

Within one tree he sleeps and eats;

The social life he snob.

The sloth remains my friend and pal,

A delightful, harmless mammal.

He has no need for a turtle’s shell,

Or the long legs of a camel.

Forever walking upside down

My sloth, you look exquisite.

If of your tree you ever tire,

I hope you’ll come and visit.

If you go to the Milk Bar today,

You might find something in your way.

With chocolate topping in your eyes

You’re bound to get a big surprise.

Whipped cream dripping from your fingers,

Something in there lurks and lingers.

You’d better take your dad and mum,

Because you’re far too little

To handle the walnut brittle.

It’s going to get in through your ears.

It’s going to open up your fears.

When you’re hiding under the bed,

You’ll feel the pain inside your head.

The cavities will bring you down,

Because you’re far too little

To handle the walnut brittle.

Now quickly lock your bedroom door.

Your teeth will drop out on the floor.

You’ll feel the pain from all the honey;

You can’t afford it: got no money.

Take my advice and stay at home,

Because you’re far too little

To handle the walnut brittle.

Here I am, your faithful pet,

Where’s my gift? Ain’t got it yet!

Surely something waits for me

Underneath the Christmas tree.

Part of the family, loyal friend,

Stick beside you till the end.

A chewy bone would bring me joy,

Or did you buy a squeaky toy?

Maybe you got me a cushy rug,

To sleep beside you, safe and snug.

Come on people, please let me know.

Perhaps a Frisbee is the go!

Then again, your hard-earned dollar

Could have paid for a brand new collar.

I might need help to unwrap the paper,

But I sure love this Christmas caper.

And so, I finally wake and yawn;

At long last it is Christmas morn.

All the children laugh with glee.

Presents galore – but nothing for me?

I’ve been so good all year long,

I surely have done nothing wrong.

But then I hear a familiar noise;

It is not bones or rugs or toys.

How did you hide this precious gift?

It runs at me with movements swift.

Another dog with which to play!

This is the greatest Christmas Day.

Locked inside a toy store:

My golden dream comes true.

Sixteen hours all by myself,

So much for me to do.

First I’ll have a slinky race,

Then wake up Jack In The Box.

Next I’ll grab a Lego kit

And build a giant fox.

An Xbox challenge will follow

Where I’ll come out Number One.

Then I’ll find a pogo stick,

And I’ve only just begun.

Now I play with GI Joe:

I give my best salute.

Then I easily win a game

Of Trivial Pursuit.

Time now for the skipping rope:

It cannot be so hard.

Some trickery I next will learn

From a pack of magic cards.

A jigsaw puzzle tests me out,

And then I fly a kite.

Do I have time to colour in?

Why yes, I have all night!

I wrestle with a teddy bear,

I wear a cowboy hat;

I fly a model aeroplane,

I swing a cricket bat.

A policeman taps upon the door,

I turn around, I’m grinning.

I guess he must have heard the sounds

Of my karaoke singing.

Fun’s over now, he drives me home,

My mind is filled with glee.

If only I could next be trapped

In the ice creamery.