A spring in your step

Mr Snufflesworse’s sniffles

Mr Snufflesworse

is in a bad way.

He caught a cold

the other day.

Despite taking pills,

it won’t go away!

When he blows his nose

the bed rocks and shakes.

Boogers come out

as long as snakes,

and when he sneezes,

the whole street awakes.

His sinuses are

chock-a-block with muck —

there’s enough snot

to fill a truck.

And here comes more phlegm —

Yuck yuck yuck yuck YUCK!

The ghost who stole my Vegemite

Have you heard of the ghost

who stole my Vegemite toast?

A disgusting event —

more disgusting than most!

I’d spread it on thickly —

’twas the way I liked it —

but the ghost just took it,

and then he hiked it.

So if you spy a ghost

whose mouth is all black,

please do the right thing

and give him a whack!

James Aitchison

Living spaghetti

Wriggle wriggle, squirm squirm,

Here comes a nice long worm.

Like spaghetti come to life,

What a busy earthworm!

Watch it slide and slither,

Oops, it’s in a dither.

Pick it up now if you dare,

Dangle it in the air.

Wriggle wriggle, squirm squirm,

Thank you, thank you, earthworm!

You let our soil grow good things,

Such a helpful earthworm!

James Aitchison

MEGHAN MARKLE’S MOUSE

My home is my castle — Windsor Castle —

And I live in St George’s Chapel;

Being a mouse I go foraging

for some crumbs and pieces of apple.

My chapel is mostly a peaceful place,

But no!  Not on the nineteenth of May:

won’t have a moment to bless myself

when the world comes to visit that day.

They’re making history on May nineteen,

and there will be no time to tarry —

but I’ll have a front row seat to see

Meghan Markle marry Prince Harry!

I’ll hide underneath Her Majesty’s chair —

that should give me an excellent view —

and I’ll wave my tail and squeak hooray

when Meghan and Harry say I do!

                                                               James Aitchison

A CLOGYRNACH GOES

TO THE DENTIST

           (A clogyrnach is a six-line Welsh poem.  

           Lines 1 and 2 have eight syllables with an a rhyme;

           lines 3 and 4 have five syllables with a b rhyme;

           line 5 has three syllables with a b rhyme;

           line 6 has three syllables with an a rhyme.)

I went to the dentist last week;

he opened my mouth for a peek.

When he saw inside,    

his eyes goggled wide.

What he spied

made him shriek.

The news he gave me was chilling,

“All of your front teeth need filling;

they’re full of decay,

I’ll fix them today!”

I said, “Yay! —

start drilling!”

He was deftly wielding his drill        

when he sneezed as though he were ill!

He bored through my gum —

drilled into my bum —

“Sorry, chum,

here’s my bill.”

My time in his chair had been brief,

full of torture, terror and grief!

Let my teeth all fall —

no dentist I’d call!

After all —

who needs teeth?

          James Aitchison