STARMAN ENVY

(for Elon Musk)

When Starman blasted into space

he didn’t turn a hair.

He didn’t bother with goodbyes.

His tummy had no butterflies.

He had no sparkle in his eyes.

He didn’t seem to care.

This guy really blows my mind;

he’s totally bizarre.

He’s driving through the galaxy

as if that’s where he ought to be;

as if it’s really ordinary

to be there in a car.

That car alone would be enough

to make me start to drool.

Yet here he is among the stars,

maybe even seeing Mars!

His lack of interest really jars;

the man must be a fool.

How I wish they’d chosen me.

Why spend all that money

to realise an awesome dream

with such a failing in the scheme.

I think it’s crazy in the extreme

to waste it on a dummy.

©  Kate O’Neil

CAFÉ SIX

Try our new

Infestation Menu

It’s the food of the future

so we have created

some fine dining dishes

to keep you updated.

Are you itching to try

mosquito mousse?

or fleas flambé?

Perhaps you’d like

a light stir-fry

of tender glow-worms.

Crusty crickets

would add some crunch

to vary the texture,

served as a side.

(By Jiminy, that’s what

I’d have for lunch.)

Try truffled termites

with pesto sauce

on maggot mash.

Or fruit-fly fritters

with grasshopper gravy

or cicada croquettes

and hairy-bug hash.

Caterpillar curry’s

a dish to-die-for –

a robust feed.

rich and nutritious

(fabulous grub).

If a smaller snack

is all you need

you might like a serve

of buttered fly.

Or a coddled moth.

Perhaps you’d like

cicada soup.

Or a medley of mealworms

cooked in broth

then lightly charred.

Silverfish soufflés

(in moulds and baked twice)

for special occasions

​​​​are a gourmet delight

you’ll remember forever

(expensive but nice).

And when you’ve had your fill of these –

a platter of crackers and assorted bees.

​©  Kate O’Neil

CLASH

In the garden

orange nasturtiums arrived

and went wild

taking on the whole bed

of Flanders poppies.

They clashed terribly.

The nasturtiums

made swift advances

crawling stealthily

through the proud

rows of nodding red

blooms heavy with

memories of far fields

and so many dead.

The poppies knew

what was coming.

All’s fair in love and war,

shouted the nasturtiums,

tumbling them

into disarray before

trampling them

into the bed

in bloody conquest.

© Kate O’Neil

Nasturtium  – a symbol of power and of conquest and victory in battle

Thoughts of a ‘Velcro’ Dog

A wonder dog, an under dog,
an over dog, a rover dog.
A round about and through dog.
I’ll-find-a-way-that’s-new dog.
I really think it’s time you knew-
If I’m your dog I’ll be with you.
There’s simply nothing you can do-
If you go out I’m coming too.

©   Kate O’Neil

ELIZABETH R.

Elizabeth the water-dragon,
known for short as Liz,
has royal tastes and habits
but a very ugly phiz.

Her head is deep and angular,
her crown a crest of spines,
and if you offer pleasantries
she snootily declines.

With the hide of a rhinoceros
and an awful lot of cheek,
her gall is quite incredible
(Be grateful she can’t speak.)

‘Good day your Royal Scaliness.
You’ve really got a nerve.
You think your sneer from ear to ear
is something I deserve?

I’m offering you a dainty morsel
fit for any queen.
No need to eye it with disdain
or vent your royal spleen.

Your Royal Ugliness must know
I understand your game.
For all your airs and arrogance
you’re hungry just the same.

I know that when I turn my back
you’ll snatch it greedily
then look as if you’re charging me
with crime – Lèse majesté?’

© Kate O’Neil

MANGO SPELL

I’m sitting in the shade of the mango tree.

It’s a white-hot day but it doesn’t bother me

’cause it’s cool in the shade of the mango tree

eating mango.

The round ripe fruits of the mango tree

glow like sunsets all around me

and a warm rich perfume dizzies me

from the mango.

So there isn’t any place I’d rather be

than the dark green shade of the mango tree

with golden mangoes tempting me

on the mango.

©  Kate O’Neil

What the nose knows.

I don’t suppose

there is a nose

more famous than

Pinocchio’s.

His snozzle shows

by how it grows,

he’s telling lies.

This tale arose

to caution those

whose porkies pose

a future full

of direst woes.

So why the nose

and not the toes?

The story tells

us how it goes:

Each whopper shows

upon the nose

for all to see;

the whole world knows.

Kate ONeil