TERENCE THE ICE-SKATING TURTLE

When Terence the Turtle chose his career

He’d no one to help him from far or from near

No one to tell him he’d just look a fool

None to persuade him to stay on at school

Terence was fired by one burning ambition

To become an ice skater – his only mission.

When Terence was laughed at and told he was silly

He retired to the garden to talk with the Lily

Lily was clever, and dainty and sweet

She said no matter he didn’t have feet

Of the kind that were shaped to wear a skate

I believe, she said, you’re meant to beat Fate.

Believe in your dream, she said with a wink

You have to dream big –  and don’t let it shrink

Imagine your feet as if they were tiny

Feet that can sparkle in boots that are shiny

Feet that can twinkle and leap and go spinning

Feet that are grinning at prizes they’re winning.

Terence suddenly felt that his dream could come true

And decided to buy the boots that are blue

Blue boots are best when they’re put to the test

With a swanky new hand-knitted ice-skater vest

He chose red for his vest and puffed out his chest

How good he was feeling – blessed with such zest.

One day as he practised his leaps on the ice

Some kids who were passing said he looked nice

Terence was thrilled (to the boots) I guess

They suggested he add to his suit a headdress

Something stunning and utterly funky

We know, the kids said – you need a monkey.

The kids asked Terence to be their friend

And made a big placard, carefully penned

Come see Terence the Turtle, the Master of Skates,

Payment is either in cents or in dates

Terence does figures, he leaps and he spins

Terence the Turtle is great on his pins.

Meanwhile the Monkey who’d answered their ad

Turned out to be cousin to Lily’s dad

Lily was thrilled to find her relation

Even more thrilled with T’s creation

An ice-skating turtle, what a great laugh

Next you’ll be wanting promotional staff.

Not a bad idea said Chunky the Monkey

That old sign is now looking clunky

Now that we’re sorted and out on the road

I’ll be needing some help – could we look for a toad?

I’ve been recently told that toads abound

So we’ll probably find some here on the ground.

Look at that Turtle, he’s really a joke

‘Twas a cheeky young bullfrog beginning to croak

Stop there: Chunky yelled, and bellowed and shouted

Barry the Bullfrog – you’ve just now been outed

For Barry it was who had first told Terence

That he was descended from Ice-skating parents.

Terence was thrilled and started to spin

He did a quick tapdance – that made them grin.

The kids went with Chunky and Lily and Barry

Terence found love and decided to marry

They were happy forever and all shared a house

They believed in each other and life was just grouse.

LYING IN THE SUN

It was in my fifth year of being on earth

That eating three horses expanded my girth.

Not eating those horses just any old way

I ate three of those horses every day.

They weren’t real horses – I’m not that mad

They were marzipan horses, it was just a fad.

They were made in a hurry with carrots from Perth

And served on a dish with laughter and mirth. 

I lived in a Palace (that’s why I’m called Alice)

Friends never thought about me with malice.

I had hundreds of dresses and bags full of hats 

I wrapped them in cheese, they were eaten by rats.

My clothes were all frilly, which really was silly

The skirts were too big for riding my filly

I found some pants that made me look thin

But I bought the wrong ones, not for her, but for him.

My most special friend was a kangaroo

Who flapped like mad whenever she flew.

I’d wind her up, put plug to socket

And then she’d jump right up like a rocket.

But I don’t want to bore – you’d like to hear more?

I’m far too modest to hog the floor.

But if listen you must, and in truth you trust

You’ll forgive me if I that truth adjust?

It’s a question of season, no rhyme, no reason

Makes no difference, if sunny or freezin’

I like to have fun when I lie in the sun

Eating fresh honey spread onto a bun.

Do I tell the truth or do I lie in the sun?

It seems that truth can be either one

‘Cos lie is a multi meaning word

It can tell you the truth or just be absurd. 

Jan Darling

About Jan:

It seems to me that I have taken an awfully long time to find my true voice.  Now, writing ‘Nonsense Poems’ I am thoroughly enjoying myself.   This year I have also re-discovered classical poetry and am writing sonnets and other rhyme and metre forms.  I had never thought of children’s poetry although I’ve written short stories for children.  I am just loving writing the poems and I’m finding that they leave my head in a space far away from its physical surroundings.  It makes me wish I were a child again. It’s pure therapy.

A DAY AT THE ZOO

It was the cat who said, as she climbed out of bed

Is today the day we go to the Zoo?

Prince was teaching the rabbit, the one who’s blue,

To sit on my head, and be one of the crew

The day was cold, the duck said ah-choo

It’s freezing out there, I’m not going with you.

Duck, you know I’m the Prince, just look at my crown

Pure rabbit it is, it’s soft as down

I tuck Bunny around till his ears fall right down

They snuggle my own and steady my crown.

You’re just a duck, but I am the Prince

Won’t you do what I say without that wince?

The duck wrapped his scarf four times round his beak

And grumbling went off to change the week.

Is it Mumday or Chewsday or Whimsday he mumbles

Oh Duck – take your pick but bring Violet Crumbles.

Then we’re off to the Zoo to see Reginald Roo

Horace the Hippo, young Bruno and Pru.

Prudence the penguin started to flush

For on the Prince, she’d once had a crush

Come on, move quickly, you guys at the front

We’re here to see the Honey Bear stunt.

But Bruno the Bear was away that day

He’d gone to the Bank to collect his pay.

You pay that Bear to sit around here?

Chewing his bamboo, making us stare?

The Zooman nodded and showed us the path

To the Elephant park – they were taking their bath.

The cat saw pictures of lions on a sign

Saying I’m off to see some family of mine. 

Prudence was sad she’d not seen her hero

The Zooman complained that the temp. was zero.

There was only one elephant out in the park

The bathroom was hidden away in the dark.

Bunny was tiring of being the crown

And he started wishing that he could get down.

Nothing was going the way he was wishing

So the Prince took a pelican off to go fishing

Everyone grumped about one thing or t’other

And Duck was quacking about his red brother

His mother was green, his sister was blue

How that had happened nobody knew.

So the Day at the Zoo turned into a flop

With everyone grizzling, way over the top

It’s not that bad, elephant blew on his trumpet

Two kids remembered to bring me a crumpet

The cat complained that the trip was a mess

And set of for home to change her dress.

Jan Darling