Horses Are Heavy by James Aitchison

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Giggy Gilbert had a horse,

he didn’t have a cart.

He had to blow a whistle

before the horse would start.

The horse was deaf and couldn’t hear,

So Giggy, in despair,

Picked it up in both hands

And carried it everywhere.

Dogs Love Socks by Jeanie Axton

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Fake food socks
we love to wear
but our doggy friends
think it’s not fair

The pizza socks
smell like fluff
The bacon socks
are really rough

The taco socks
dripping fake cheese
The hamburger socks
are another tease

The hot dog socks
look so yummy
The cupcake socks
the icings runny

But worst of all
and looking real
are the T Bone socks
that cause a drool

The dogs agree
this has to stop
let’s give food socks
A mighty chop

There’s A Gruble In My Garden by Warren Cox

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There’s a Gruble in my garden

wearing rainbow coloured clothes.

He lives beneath the gimble patch

where no one ever goes.


If you’re curious I’ll show you,

but you’ve got to promise me,

you’ll never tell a single soul.

That’s how it’s got to be.

We’ll tiptoe from our bedrooms

and steal along the hall,

then down the stairs, across the yard

up to the garden wall.

We’ve got to be as quiet as mice

‘cause on the other side,

if the Gruble hears a noise,

beneath the gimble patch he’ll hide.

He won’t be there this morning,

nor in the afternoon.

But set your clock for midnight

and provided there’s a moon

He’ll be digging out the mungle weeds

and chopping through the ling,

to clear the ground of carbles

for the annual rickshing.    

It’s a really wondrous sight to see 

 this rickshing celebration.

Grubles come from every corner

of the Gruble nation.     

                                                                                     Their tables all are laden                                                                                

with every fine delight;

baked bullwort, creamy piggler

and barbequed quambite.

The party lasts for eldons,

till the mungle weed grows back.

Then they finish with a lively dance

they call the rakanbak.

But as the moon gets lower.

Just before the sun turns red.

The Grubles leave the way they came

and go back home to bed.

And the Gruble in my garden

with the rainbow coloured clothes?

Well – he’s back beneath the gimble patch

where no one ever goes.   

My Word! by James Aitchison

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Shoes always come in pairs,

but pears don’t come in shoes.

And I know that my nose knows

how to make ah-choooooos.

Whales don’t come from Wales,

is it rite or is it right?

And who can tell the difference

between quiet or quite?

Angle grinders not ankle grinders,

it’s so easy to make a slip—

because English is really funny

and tries to make you trip.

Bunny Diet Drops by Celia Berrell

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Spelling Time by Warren Cox

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My very favourite time in class
is when we’re having spelling.
‘Cause that’s the time our teacher’s face
turns red from constant yelling.

“Those words were in your homework.
Ten times you wrote them out.
This class will be the end of me.
Why must you make me shout?

I’ll telephone your parents.
Your nonsense will be ended.
I’ll send you to the Principal
and have you all suspended.

I’ll ban you from the library.
There’ll be no more free reading.
Until you prove to me that
with your homework you’re succeeding.

No class time toilet visits.
You’ll have to just be strong.
No music, art, or play time
when you get your spellings wrong.

By now the teacher’s pacing.
His breathing is quite fast.
And all the kids are placing bets
on how long he can last.

Then finally it’s over
and he sits down at his table.
We know he’d like to say some more
but right now he’s not able.

That’s when we all begin to clap
And “Bravo !” someone shouts.
We’ll all do better next time Sir.
Of that there are no doubts.

The teacher asks “You promise?
In that case I’ll stop yelling.”
Oh yes! My favourite time in class
is when we’re having spelling.

Rhyming Rhino by Graham Seal

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They say my words are quite absurd,
my poems most preposterous,
my rhymes are poor, my rhythms wild,
my metre’s all quite monstrous.

But I don’t care what they say,
one day I will be prosperous,
because I am the world’s only
poetic rhinoceros.

My Excuse (for not keeping my 2024 New Year resolution) by James Aitchison

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I made a resolution

to keep the whole year through.

I wrote it down but lost it,

now I don’t know what to do.

I’ve searched but cannot find it,

no matter how I strive.

Oh well, I’ll make another one

in twenty-twenty-five.

The Haircut by Warren Cox

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The barber said “A dollar a cut,
that’s all you have to pay.
And everyone you pass will smile
so sweetly and they’ll say,

Oh Mrs Brown what a beautiful boy,
he looks just like his dad.
Could you have guessed that you’d be blessed
with this happy and handsome lad?”

Then Mrs Brown with a frightening frown
on the barber did wildly whirl.
“Open your eyes you silly man,
he’s a girl. Can’t you see? He’s a girl!”

Seagull Saga by Monty Edwards

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While I was walking by the sea
A seagull chose to follow me,
But soon one gull turned into two,
Then three, then four, began a queue!

When five or six swelled to a crowd
Their conversation grew quite loud.
This made it clear I’d have no peace
Without some way to make them cease.

I clapped my hands and stamped my feet,
I waved my cap, but faced defeat:
A few wings fluttered, webbed feet shuffled,
But squarks continued, quite unmuffled.

Seagull numbers kept on mounting!
It was then I started shouting:
“Please, I yelled, “Please go away!”
Not one gull did. They chose to stay.

Quite suddenly I had a hunch
That what they wanted was my lunch!
Can a seagull lick its lips?
Yes, it will, for fish and chips!

So off I ran to grassy ground,
There with seagulls all around,
I unwrapped lunch and chose to share:
Whoosh! Gulls arrived from everywhere!!