There once was an eater of custard,
who one day became quite flustered.
He cleaned off his plate,
but realised too late –
he’d mistakenly eaten some mustard.
Image from Pixabay
Custard (Limerick) by Graham Seal
Leave a commentTag Archives: funny poems
Loopy Limericks by James Aitchison
Leave a commentThere once was a girl named Ludmilla
who lived on a hill in Manila.
She got rid of her cat,
which was scared by a rat,
and bought herself a gorilla.
There was a young man from Cuba
who tried to play the tuba.
He puckered his lips,
pushed hard with his hips,
and blew himself to Bermuda.
There was a young poet called Lear,
whose rhymes were a treat to the ear.
After eating some turmeric
he composed a limerick
and fell asleep for a year.
Image from Pixabay
Pirate plight by Jenny Erlanger
1 CommentThough pirates get by
with a patch on one eye
their lives out at sea can be grim.
No wonder they’re mean,
all the pirates I’ve seen
have clearly been missing a limb.
I now understand
all those hooks for a hand,
the clumping around on a peg.
To fit out their ships
for those plundering trips
must cost them an arm and a leg!
Pirate plight by Jenny Erlanger
Image from Pixabay
Has Anyone Seen My Underpants? by James Aitchison
Leave a commentMy underpants are white and blue;
One day I dropped them in the loo.
I heard them gurgle down the pipe,
But couldn’t find them on my Skype.
How far, how far, will they travel?
I hope the stitches won’t unravel!
And if they’re in some spooky drain,
Will I ever see them again?
What if the sewer goes out to sea?
My underpants might reach Fiji!
Or has some big fish put them on?
I think my underpants have gone!
Image from ABC News
Scoot Scoot by Jeanie Axton
Leave a commentScoot Scoot
Said the scooter
Shining in the sun
Time for me
To have some fun
Zoom Zoom
Said the scooter
Rider and helmet ready
Today we go fast
But take it steady
Whoosh Whoosh
Said the scooter
Down the street
Feet on kickboard
Who can we beat?
Zip Zip
Said the scooter
What a fun day
Zooming along
Smiling all the way
Jump Jump
Said the scooter
Trying a trick
Up in the air
And down real quick
Ring Ring
Said the scooter
A loud ring of the bell
Turn and head back
All is well
Yawn Yawn
Said the scooter
I’ve had a big day
Time to go home
Slowly make my way
Shuffle Shuffle
Said the scooter
Trudging back to the shed
Time for scooters
To be in scooter bed
Snooze Snooze
Said the scooter
Snoring away
Dreaming of tomorrow
Another scooter day
Montague Shoe by James Aitchison
Leave a commentMontague Shoe
Have you heard the story of Montague Shoe?
He fitted a left foot — ’twas all he could do.
But the shoe that fitted the right foot was lost,
So into the trashcan poor Monty was tossed.
But there in the trash Montague found
A shoe for a right foot — ’twas perfectly sound.
They became a new pair, one black and one blue,
And that was the story of Montague Shoe.
James Aitchison
Clown Stuff by Katherine Gallagher
Leave a commentClown Stuff
“Put that cauliflower in the colander,
not on your head, you fool!
It’s no time now for climbing the ladder
to the loft. Come on down
or you’ll be late for Clown-School.”
© Katherine Gallagher
Pickled Peppers by Jenny Erlanger
Leave a commentPickled Peppers
Polly Packer picked a pile of pickled peppers
outweighing the paltry peck that Peter chose.
Poor Peter Piper’s paused his pepper picking
and all he picks at present is his nose.
Jenny Erlanger
Jenny said: The prompt word, “pickle” reminded me of the famous old tongue-twister involving Peter Piper and his pickled peppers. The challenge was to find enough new words starting with “p” to retain a tongue-twister character.
Not Hot Cross Buns Again! by Carolyn Eldridge-Alfonzetti
Leave a commentNot Hot Cross Buns Again!
At Easter Mum bakes special buns —
they’re warm and soft and sweet.
But with those piped white crosses
come some things this kid won’t eat.
The shiny glaze Mum brushes on,
I think is kind of icky.
It makes the buns look like they’re wet
and leaves my fingers sticky.
The shriveled-up sultanas
look like flies cooked in the dough.
I pick them out for our dog, Rex
(Shhhh. Mummy doesn’t know!)
Those buns would be much nicer, too,
without mixed peel and spice.
If you ask me, next Easter,
hot cross doughnuts would be nice!
by Carolyn Eldridge-Alfonzetti
Family Tree by Bill Condon
Leave a commentFamily tree
The mother was a ghost gum,
a really terrific tree-mum.
The father was a noble oak,
a shining prince of tree-dom.
You’d think with a family tree like that,
the offshoot would have to be a winner.
Instead he was a toothpick,
who lived in fear of dinner.
Bill Condon
Bill says: I wrote this years ago when I was very silly. Nothing’s changed.